going back to work

Work is [maybe was?] my life. It defines me as a person. Four weeks into my maternity leave, I was exhausted, overwhelmed...did I mention exhausted? Isabel was always a pretty good sleeper, but it's amazing how a little human can literally take all the life out of you in just a few short hours. So, at four weeks...maybe eight weeks...I was ready to go back to work. 

Before I had Isabel, I made the decision to take six months off after Isabel was born. In my mind, it was going to be this wonderful time where we would bond, take walks, go to museums, and just generally create the strongest mother / daughter bond anyone had ever seen. Again, in my mind, I would walk down the street to birds sweetly chirping, Isabel cooing, me in fantastic shape and everyone around me thinking how miraculous it was that I managed it all so well. The reality was...slightly different. I found myself missing work and intellectual stimulation more than I thought I would. I found myself asking my husband about his work and taking on home project after home project to keep myself busy. I found myself googling random stuff all the time, searching new recipes and buying way too many cooking gadgets. I also found myself obsessing over the election. I could have done so many other things to better myself like go to the gym, read more books...I guess there's always a next time?

As I go back to work, I'm so many parts excited. And slightly nervous. I'm nervous I won't be the same worker, but more nervous that I will be and eager to know what that means for my growing family.  I've had several conversations with people about going back to work, some of which have gone great and others that left me feeling left behind, as if having a baby whisks me away from any career potential that I used to have or dreams that I still have. For now, I'm going to listen to podcasts to inspire me, such as this one, and pant suit up. Because there is no better worker, boss and leader than a smart, hard working and determined woman. That, and I know I kick ass at my job. Game on.